Her Masochistic Hobby
by AtherNess
Summary: Tea loses everyone in a plane crash. This story deals with her attempt at taking away the pain. Cutting and eventual suicide DO NOT READ if you don't like these things.


This story is based on a poem I wrote in Drivers Ed. It's kind of dark, so don't read this if you don't like that sort of stuff.

In addition, I don't know anything about planes or mental hospitals/mental conditions except for what I've read, and that's not a lot. Please bear with me here! If I make a boo-boo, try to understand.

I don't really like Tea, she seems… annoying. Nevertheless, she seemed to fit with this poem/story combination, so she is the character I used. Even if you don't like her, feel free to feel sorry for her.

**Her masochistic hobby**

Far away in slumber

In a dream I've never seen

I once watched the story

Of a sad and troubled teen.

A crushing wave of sadness

A face turned 'way in shame

A hearth that's cold and bitter

And full of sorrowed blame.

This child lived day in and out

In horrified despair

Alone in empty blackness

With an unreadable stare.

The offered peace in steel

Finally caught her troubled eye

She took a knife and made a cut

Not deep enough to die.

For years she made these cuts

On her broken soul

A wavering line of crimson

Starting to take its toll.

Her masochistic hobby

Was finally found out

She was soon admitted

But not without a rout.

She could not stand this prison

She hugged herself and cried

She found a sharpened object

She cut herself and died.

* * *

Tea stared blankly at the wall. She had just come home from the hardest moment in her life. She could remember everything so clearly: the cloying odor of the flowers, the thousands and thousands of people, the flashes from the media's cameras, the sad boxes at the front, the fact that everyone was gone.

Oh, she had been to many funerals already, her dad, her brother, and other family members, but this one was just so BIG, so many people attending… so many caskets to be buried. There was Yugi, Ryou, and Malik and their yamis, Joey, Mai, Seto, Mokuba, Tristan, Duke, Serenity, and Isis. They had had to make it an outdoor funeral, because she was determined that all of her friends would be laid to rest together and there just wasn't enough room in a building.

As she sat on her bed, she remembered the circumstances leading up to those moments of agony. All of her friends had been on the same plane, a plane she should have been on also. They had been planning to go to Egypt for months now, and all were excited, she included. The big day FINALLY arrived, and everyone got ready. But Tea woke up sick. She had the flu, the FLU, and she couldn't join her friends. They had all offered to change the date so that she could attend, but too much effort had been made to coordinate schedules for that to happen, so she gave everyone her blessing and stayed home, determined to milk them for information as soon as they got home.

They called her every day, telling her what she was missing. Not rubbing it in, simply telling her so that when she was able to go too, she would know what to see. They had been there a month and were finally on their way home. She arrived at the airport two hours early because she was eager to see her friends. She had brought presents for them and couldn't wait until they arrived..

She watched the plane as it got closer, turning from a dot to a shape that was _just _discernible as the flying machine it was. Suddenly, though, it wavered and smoke rose from the left wing. Then the same happened again on the right and the plane dipped forward, racing for the ground. Everyone in the room ran for the window and watched as the plane hit the ground, dirt and fire flying everywhere, smoke shooting into the sky. Tea listened numbly as the announcement was given that NO one in the plane had survived. Finally, a kind retired schoolteacher had pulled her over to a seat and allowed her to cry on his shoulder. The only thing she could say was "All my friends, all my friends are gone. I have nothing left…" It was a mantra that she couldn't stop repeating.

That had been a week ago, and today was the funeral. Almost the whole city had come; after all, Seto Kaiba was one of the dead. Most of the people didn't care, but since there were news cameras, it was heavily populated. It disgusted Tea to watch the people pretend to cry over people they had never met, hoping to be caught by the elusive eye of a camera.

And now, Tea was left alone with only her mother. The pain was unbearable and there was a black void filling her stomach. She couldn't think, couldn't breathe, and the walls were closing in on her. She ran for the bathroom and bent over the toilet, retching. Since she hadn't eaten, there was nothing to throw up and the pain was intense. She laid her head down on the clean porcelain and sobbed.

When she could stand without feeling dizzy, she approached the sink to find something to settle her stomach. On the shelf sat a box of razors that her mom "just couldn't get rid of" after her father had died two years ago. She opened the box and took one out, watching it shine dully in the poor lighting. She closed the cabinet and looked at herself for a moment, then pushed her pants a little ways down. She touched the steel to her flesh and hesitated, looking back at the mirror. Then her jaw firmed and she made a small cut, only deep enough to bleed.

Immediately, the blackness went away, as did the nausea. The searing pain of loss died down to only a dull ache. Her whole self was centered on the liquid line of blood dripping down her hip, so she couldn't think of the grief.

She put the box away, keeping out the razor she had used, and walked back to her room. She carefully laid the straightedge in her bedside table and closed the drawer. When she finally fell back on the bed, she went asleep almost at once.

---------------------------------------------

**Three Years Later**

Tea stepped out of the building. Yet another job interview that she had screwed up. She needed something, something to make her feel better, she toyed with the idea of stopping at a bar, but she knew in the back of her mind that that wouldn't help. Experience told her that alcohol only dulled the pain. She needed something to make it disappear completely, at least for a little while.

As soon as she got home, she stripped and got her razor out of the drawer. Before she made any new cuts, she looked at herself in the mirror. All the skin on her body that wouldn't be visible when she was clothed was scarred. Her skin was a living tapestry of pain and anguish. She knew that this was as it should be, and without hesitating, sliced a new line. Just as the blood began to flow, she heard a gasp. When she looked up she saw her mom, Jarra, staring in horror at her scarred and scabbed body.

"Oh, Tea! How long has this been going on?"

Tea just stared at her mother. "How long have you been here?"

"That's not the issue! We have to get you help, honey! This isn't healthy!"

Tea glared at her mom. "Don't you DARE call on me! I'm an adult now and I won't stand for it. You can't make me do ANYTHING anymore! Leave! LEAVE!"

Jarra just stared in sorrow and shock at her daughter and left. After all, she was an adult now. She couldn't do anything about this. When she got home, she sat on her couch and cried, wondering where she went wrong. Parents were supposed to be able to help their children, but she hadn't been able to do anything, not even realizing what was happening. Her tears finally sent her into a restless sleep, and in the morning, she made a call.

-----------------------------------

"Hello, Domino City Mental Hospital, how may I help you?"

"He…hello, I am Jarra Gardener. My…daughter is cutting herself, has been for some time, I think. I just discovered it recently and she won't let me do anything to get her help. She is an adult now, but is there any way I could…force her to get help?"

"Hmm… Yes, if her behavior is destructive and she could seriously hurt herself, we have grounds to force her to stay with us. We have an excellent psychiatric team with unparalleled success. Would you please give me the address so that we can find her and have her committed?"

"Yes, she lives at 1234 Farling right off of Hunter Avenue. She is home right now. Please help her!"

"I'll send over a team as soon as possible."

--------------------------------------------

**Five Months Later**

"_Good job Tea! You're doing so well! Another year and you should be out of here!"_

Tea's heart sank farther as she remembered the therapist's words. 'A year? How am I supposed to make it that long? It's been all I can do just to stay sane this long!'

She pulled her knees up to her chest, sobbing into them. She was glad her roommates were still at lunch and weren't here to see her cry. She didn't know what she'd do if they thought her weak or told her counselor. She didn't know what she was going to do. Without the sting of a fresh wound, the grief was unbearable.

She looked up suddenly, her eyes drying. She remembered something waiting for her that she had hidden away early that morning. She quietly got off her bed and lifted the mattress to find the scalpel one of the nurses had been careless enough to leave out. After sending a silent prayer of thanks to the forgetful one, she locked herself in the bathroom.

As had happened the first time she had made a cut, she stared into the polished metal mirror. She held the scalpel to her arm and made a small cut. The pain faded a little, but it wasn't enough. She needed more. She set the point at her wrist this time and pulled it up, following the pretty blue line that she could just barely make out.

Something was wrong though. The pain wasn't going away, it intensified, and all of it was centered on the arm where she had cut. She looked down and saw the blood flowing copiously. The room started to get fuzzy and she decided that she needed to sit down, right now, and on the floor. Unfortunately, she misjudged and ended up falling. There was a knock on the door and the tentative voice of Tom, the floor's nurse called in to ask if she was okay. When she didn't answer, he knocked harder and said her name again.

'I wish he'd just go away so I can sleep.' The world darkened as he kicked the door, trying to get in. 'Silly Tom, he should know that he can't get the door open.' She thought. 'I'll just close my eyes and go to sleep.' And she did.

A glaringly bright light suddenly flashed before her eyes and she opened them. She realized that she was flying towards the light, though she felt no wind. She leaned towards it when she saw figures silhouetted in the light. "Dad? Johnny? Yugi…"

* * *

That is the end. I know it seems as if there should be something else there, but I thought it seemed a little more emotional to end it rather than following up on what she saw.

I don't know if you've noticed, but "Therapist" becomes "the rapist". Just a thought…


End file.
